(just a small smattering of the many available!)
What’s the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
What’s the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.
What’s the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
About 10 pounds.
How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat?
Some people actually like sewer rats.
What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra?
One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.
But which is which??
How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
The horses seem very relieved.
What’s the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sightread.
How do you put a sparkle in a soprano’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What’s the difference between an alto and a tenor?
Tenors don’t have hair on their backs.
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. None. They can’t get that high.
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.
How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven’t been touched.
What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
Did you hear about the tenor who announced that in the following season he would only sing three title roles: Othello, Samson, and Forza del Destino? (true story)
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.
How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
Hold out a check (but don’t be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).
How do you tell if a bass is dead?
1. What’s the difference?
2. Who cares?