COMPARISON OF RELIGIOUS THEORY
IN THE LATE 20TH CENTURY
Capitalism – He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna – He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism – He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican – They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox – No, they were OURS first.
Branch Davidians – He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism – There is no toy maker.
Polytheism – There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism – The toys made themselves.
Church of Christ, Scientist – We are the toys.
Communism – Everyone gets the same number of toys,
and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B’Hai – All toys are just fine with us.
Amish – Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism – The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
Mormonism – Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
Voodoo – Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hedonism – To heck with the rule book!? Let’s play!
Hinduism – He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day Adventist – He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Church of Christ – He whose toys make music, loses.
Baptist – Once played, always played.
Jehovah’s Witnesses – He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism – He whose toys can talk, wins.
Existentialism – Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism – Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism – We don’t care where the toys came from,
let’s just play with them.
Agnosticism – It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.