How To Shower Like A Woman
1. Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning cause
there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If
you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately,
ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting
4. Turn on the hot water only.
5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
7. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
8. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
9. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
10. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
11. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
until red raw.
12. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash
13. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has
once again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
14. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as
you must make sure that it has all come off).
15. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can’t be bothered,
and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
16. Slick hair back and pretend you’re like Bo Derek in 10.
17. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of
18. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
19. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country
20. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.
21. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
22. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh
immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile on the floor.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
flash her making the “woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if
you have pecs. (no)
4. Turn on the water, not too hot.
5. Check for pecs again. (no)
6. Get in the shower.
7. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (you don’t use one)
8. Wash your face
9. Wash your armpits
10. Wash your private and surrounding area
11. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
15. Pee (in the shower)
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
19. Turn sideways, and flex muscles again.
20. Leave shower curtain open, wet bathmat on floor.
21. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
22. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your wife, flash her
making the “woo” sound.
23. Leave wet towel on bedroom floor.
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